Laura G's Philosophies

Relinquishing Old Habits to Renew Healthy Disciplines

2011-11-04T07:26:00.000-07:00

Almost 30, and as undisciplined as ever. How did this happen?? I think it happened because one day I went to Cambodia and became afraid of God. Became a afraid of His will being constant suffering and simplicity and service. And ran from Him, not to Him, but from Him cause who wants to trust that? Oh and then there is my flesh too, it is kinda lazy. Doesn't like to wake up before my body wants to and likes sleep more than reading Words on the pages of that Book. And in my running some things got good. Raleigh got good. Came to this place and LOVED LIFE. And it was wierd, because I came in a running from Him sort of way and thought, "how did this turn out good if I got it running from Him?" Because EVEN WHEN WE RUN FROM HIM HE RUNS WITH AND TOWARD US. And He was here and He followed me here. And He whispered, "Laura, you will be in this place for some time. Time to stop running." And I heard it but I didn't know what it meant. And I nodded my heart in agreement, not knowing what I was agreeing too. And year one and two I read my Bible, and I taught highschoolers about Jesus and His plan and serving Him. And I loved being Anglican and liturgy and got an accountability partner and tried to go to Rwanda to serve Jesus. But I was still running from Him. Making my plans and my ways work. And I found a man who would marry me. And I almost did. But I couldn't cuz it was my plan and my ways and a heart that gave itself to Jesus can run for a while but it can't forever. It has to relinquish old habits of self control and manipulation. And in my pain, I thought He was gone and he didn't exist and didn't love me. What kind of God lets His children feel this kind of pain? Oh yes, the God that lets His son Jesus die on the Cross for our sins. That God. And Bible reading and going to church, and accountability are all really hard to do right now. They don't feel alive and purposeful and when you are in the winter season of your faith you just want to stay inside and stay comfortable in your hibernation surfing Facebook and watching House and drinking wine. But even when you aren't ready for it, Spring comes. It won't let you pretend it's winter forever. And so goodbye Facebook, goodbye "I might move to Ohio so I shouldn't invest here in Raleigh", and goodbye being on the periphery of the church. Springs a coming and it is time to renew the good and relinquish the old. Start anew and trust. TRUST. Trust when you know that when you have in the past it has caused some of the greatest pain you have ever known. But still, TRUST. Not in nothing. IN HIM. IN HIS WAYS BEING HIGHER THAN YOUR WAYS. In Jeremiah 29:11 in an un-cliche , non health and wealth sort of way. In a way that says His plans for me are for His glory and HIs glory alone is where Hope and a Future are found.
Amen and Amen.

Sometimes I Feel Like I Think about my faith like Francis Chan but want to be a conservative stay at home my mom...

2011-07-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

Probably sounded pretty arrogant to open with saying I think about my faith like Francis Chan. But I do in many ways. I think I should be hearing more from the Holy Spirit. I think the church should look and be different in many ways. I want to love the orphan and the widow and tell them about Jesus and how He wants to save them. But see the thing is I grew up as a little girl who wanted to be a mom and teach my children Bible stories and rock them to sleep and pray for them. And unfortunately I am not doing either of these right now. I am not loving the orphan and the widow well and I have no babies to rock to sleep. Sometimes does the life we thought God put in our hearts not happen or does He tell us to wait? I don't know. But as I am about to start a nursing job in Raleigh, you know what I am most excited about? Getting involved with an organization that cares for orphans and shares the gospel with them. Sometimes our passion is fueled by our tentmaking. People need tents, we should make them. People need help with taking care of new babies, I will help them. But hopefully it will fuel my passion to love and care for the orphan as Jesus calls us to. Just a short rambling today, but better than nothing. I know it has been 3 months again. If you read this and you pray to Jesus Christ, would you ask Him to guide my steps this next year as to where to work and what organization to join in helping care for the orphans? Thank you friends.

What If?

2011-03-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

What if there was not should or ought or could or might? What if we lived in the Christ centered, "I want to"? How would your life look different today? Here are just a few of mine:

1. I would take steps to travel and see more of the world

2. I would become a Compassion advocate

3. I would pursue foster care

4. I would read more novels

5. I would learn how to cook more meals

6. I would eat more produce

7. I would make homemade applesauce

8. I would ask my sister-in-law if she wanted to study the Bible

9. I would write my music pastor and ask him to consider leading nights of worship at our church accompanied by nothing else

10. I would make more photo albums and scrapbooks

11. I would learn more difficult patterns in knitting

12. I would join a kick boxing class

13. I would wake up and spend time with Jesus every morning

14. I would take a photography class

15. I would visit Sarim in Cambodia, heck I would return her call from a year ago

16. I would speak only the good thoughts that come into my head and ask Jesus to help me crucify every bad one

17. I would plant a garden

18. I would live away from the city in a log home

19. I would stop complaining

20. I would spend full days with Christ alone

21. I would find babies that need to be held and hold them

22. I would go home to see my grandpa

23. I would trust that God is who He says He is and He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.

24. I would go to the doctor for some health issues I have put off

25. I would keep my home clean

26. I would laugh more

I'll stop there...but what if I took steps towards these, like focused on one for 2 weeks and then moved onto another. I mean, I can't buy a log home right now, but what if I started saving money for one or called 1-800-loghome? Or what if I booked a ticket to Ohio to see my grandpa? Or what if I contacted Celeste Kern about that missionary family in Ireland and figured out what trip would take? Or what if I watched my favorite comedian on YouTube today and laughed? Well I am gonna do it and I'll share with you my answers to my What Ifs as they come....

Two In a Row???

2011-03-29T14:23:00.000-07:00

Before I started my blog, I thought I will do this once a week. As you all can see, it has tended to be more like once a year. Not real consistent, kind of a theme in my life. So in 2011 I decided that I would try for this once a week thing again...haven't been perfect, but better. And today I find myself called off of work and time to write on my blog two days in a row..so here it goes...
So I've been really low these last 2 years as you've picked up from my posts...and it is almost like I am afraid to be "better" because then I could get worse again. A little twisted for sure. So I'm really trying to get close to Jesus, to get intimate with him while I'm still low so that I don't continue my trend of thinking low times are God's punishment to me. So I am listening to this fabulous CD from the women's retreat I went on with my church this weekend and this one song I just keep playing over and over with open hands towards heaven...my faith hasn't felt this right this good in years, but this song...I just hear us singing the chorus at the wedding feast of the Lamb and having our hands raised high and tears streaming down our face...
G D Em
My friends may you grow in grace
C D G-D
And in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour
G D Em
My friends may you grow in grace
C D G
and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ

Chorus: To God be the glory, now and forever
now and forever, amen
To God be the glory, now and forever, now and forever amen.

We were made to worship...how little do we worship our Saviour and Lord? I have been thinking about what would rejuvenate the hearts of God's people and there is something about worship that no amount of Bible reading, praying, or good preaching can do for us. It requires our voice, our mind and our body to be really worshipping. When we give God the glory due His name, He gives us something back that is greater than what we gave. I challenge us: middle, class American Christians...put on your praise music, lift up your hands and dance in worship to your Saviour...let the Spirit bless You!

What Shall I Say Today?

2011-03-28T14:53:00.000-07:00

I just came back from a weekend in the mountains of North Carolina with women from my wonderful church, Church of the Apostles. And it was good and hard and restful and sleep depriving all at the same time.
I think God and I won one battle with Satan this weekend. So I have these issues with depression right? And one thing that does is brings a lot of numbness to my feelings or tears to my eyes. And it ebbs and flows but it is there. And so I sang the words while Claire strummed he guitar and I didn't feel anything and I just kept singing and I said God, "I don't have the effort to try to muster up emotion to show You I love you." And He seemed to say "I didn't ask for your emotion, I just asked for you." And so I gave Him me and it was pretty bland me, without emotion, sometimes distracted, but still there. And it was really nice knowing that He takes me like this and He doesn't ask me to be more than what I really am. I know it is a semi-good day when I am believing like this.
So I am thankful for this God, this Jesus who doesn't need my emotions, who just needs my heart: broken, whole, healed, or cracked. This faith thing is crazy, but I am pretty sure it is the only way we get to real joy and make it through real pain. So if you take enough time to track with my blog, take enough time to keep tracking with Jesus whatever the state of your heart. We'll do it together.

Amen.

And Jesus said to him, "What do you want me to do for you?"

2011-03-16T09:44:00.000-07:00

When a blind man hears Jesus walking by he cries out for mercy from Him. And in response Jesus says, "What do you want me to do for you?" So maybe, Jesus asks that question to all who cry out to Him for mercy?
I need verses like this because they remind me that Jesus is indeed personal. That "for you" on the end is something I cling to. So what do I want Jesus to do for me? I want Him to increase my faith. I want to have my unhealthy fear of God rid of. I want God to bring me a man that feels like the right fit. I want God to give me children. I want Him to give me joy and peace. I want God to give me the faith of the blind man that would lead me to cry out for mercy in the middle of a crowd.
Here is an edited journal entry I wrote on 10/22/01:
"Well, first I want to go to India my senior year and work in an orphanage. I don't know exactly what I would do, but I would hold them, love them, kiss them and embrace them. Maybe I could help them to begin recovering from emotional trauma and show them the hope of Jesus. Then I would come back and finish my senior year at Wheaton. The part of me that desires the nice and easy life wants to come back, be or fall in love, and get married when I am 23 or 24 years old. In between marriage, I would love to nany for some really rich people and get to travel with them to cool places. Once I get married, I would love to work in an adoption agency for awhile. I want to travel to third world countries and bring babies and children to their parents. I want to assess what parents fit with what children. I want to see the love and joy that comes from those unions. After about 3 or 4 years, I would love to have 5 children, and be a stay at home mom in rural America. When my youngest child would be about 6 years old, I would love to move to the inner city or at least volunteer at those highschools. I would want to teach or be a guidance counselor. I would want these kids to see the hope and future that God can offer them and then "retire". I want my years after 50 to be volunteering in the inner city in programs, my summers in India, pregnancy care centers and volunteering at adoption agencies. And finally I would love to have many grandchildren whom I love and care about."
It's funny to look back on who I was at 18, but in many ways I am the same. I have volunteered in the "inner city", I may live there next year, I have volunteered at an adoption agency, I have traveled to several third world countries, I have taught in the inner city, I still want to live in rural America and I still want to fall in love. So Jesus, this is still what I want You to do for me. Lord, have mercy on me.

If I am Being Honest...

2011-03-11T17:17:00.001-08:00

Ok, so I feel like as Christians we aren't suppose to say things like I am going to say, but I get tired of just saying what's "right". How is that real?
So I am struggling with God...still...2 years after some big hardships in my life. And I ask people to pray about where God wants me next year, what job He want me to take, etc. But you know what, I haven't heard from Him in so long that I wonder if my faith is a farce. I mean is He really to credit for the good in my life and I am to blame for the bad? I mean if He really cares about our lives, why doesn't He intervene more when we are so unsure of His presence or if He is there or if He cares? It makes me wonder if when life feels good, it is just good because neurotransmitters are releasing more serotonin and when it's bad its because I am low on serotonin. Why are we so sure God is involved in this process of our lives? I know, can you believe I just said all that? Not what you want to hear from a Christian of 25 years. Not what I would like to hear from myself, but what is true in my head. And I share it in a sense because I have to think other people of the faith have the same questions sometimes.
But it isn't an excuse for me to abandon God, or seek hope elsewhere because faith in Christ is the only thing I have ever seen truly fulfill someone. And so I continue these last 2 years in doubt and disbelief, but in some sort of faith that keeps me going to Bible study, going to church, going to silent retreats, praying, having spiritual discussions with friends because God seems like the only plausible solution to the problems I have. It just that He seems not to be solving my problems, making me more pure, or helping my disbelief. But maybe on some level if I didn't have Him I wouldn't even continue to do those things that will hopefully lead me back to Him and renew my faith.
I don't like to be in this place. I love to sense the presence of God and feel like I am in His will. For a girl prone to depression, I love it when I have true deep feelings of joy, delight, passion. I like it when I don't doubt. I like it when God seems realer than the "nose on my face" (to steal a quote from Kevin DeYoung).
And I have been there before and about the only way I know to get back their is to keep my heart from becoming completely callused, to keep giving Him a chance to speak. And so I wait with much doubt, despair and disbelief, but I wait on the Lord because that is the only thing worth waiting on and hoping for that I know of in this life.

Are Laura G's Philosphies God's Philosphies???

2011-01-11T11:05:00.000-08:00

I was reading my favorite blogger today, Ann Voskamp's A Holy Experience and she and Holly were exchanging words about it means to give enough and I also listened to Alistair Begg's Truth For Life this morning about False Teachers and I began wondering what shapes my philosophies?? So much I am afraid are my personal experiences instead of God's objective truth in the Bible. Circumstances are bad, so God must be punishing me. I have a lot more than the 1/3 world so I should never have much and just give, give, give. I can't love someone the way I want too, so I will never be able to love well. These are the Laura Philosophies that fill my head. Are any of these God's philosophies?? God does punish everyone He accepts as a son, this is Scriptural (Hebrews 12:6). But does he ever say that our trying circumstances = his punishment? I haven't found a place that He says that in His Word. In fact, his punishment of us is always for our own good, to make us more into His image. In terms of giving, God does love a cheerful giver. But He also says He is the giver of all good gifts (James 1:17). And we are blessed to be a blessing (Genesis 3:12). But this makes it clear, we are blessed. He does give us gifts. And He loves it when we give, cheerfully. These are just few examples of how every philosophy must be held up the light of Scripture. There is always a tension in how to live, there is never a formula. There is never a time where we just plug our life into a formula and it gives us results. It is always a continuous seeking of God, communicating with God, and navigating this life with Him. Isn't that better than a formula? I mean, the people we love in this life, don't we want them on the journey with us? Why wouldn't we want the same with our Creator?

Home For The Holidays

2011-01-01T10:48:00.000-08:00

Life is slower and more peaceful in Wooster and sometimes when I am here I wonder why I ever moved away. But I know why, I have been discovering who I am and trying to be who God wants me to be and that has taken me on journeys to Wheaton, Washington D.C. and Raleigh. And each of these places has shaped and molded me in ways I am usually not aware of until I look back on them.
But when I go home, I realize how much Wooster and my upbringing there has shaped me as much or more than all the other places I have lived. I love having all my family under my parent's roof, grandchildren and all. Somehow it just feels right. Like this is how God intended it or something. But it isn't a daily reality for my family and I struggle with that. I wish it was. I wish that me and my siblings sitting in a booth at Muddy Water's and my dad walking in from his downtown office during a break and seeing us was common.
I like home. I like the way it feels. I like being part of a family again. Living on my own has shown me just how much I prefer the company and community of others. I don't know if my family will all live close together again one day. But I do know that coming to my parent's house in Wooster still feels like coming home. I hope that never changes.

It's Time To Try Again....

2010-12-22T08:12:00.000-08:00

So I haven't written a blog entry in a REALLY long time....like say maybe two years?? I might be a little rusty so please be patient with me...I don't even really know where I am going with this blog or what I want to say....I just know it is time to try again. And that is kind of a metaphor for all of my life. It's time to trust again, it's time to love again, it's time to live again. If you know me well enough to be reading this blog, then you know the last 2 years of my life have been painful in more ways than I would like to recount.
So let me recount what I know with certainty....I know God loves me because He says He does not because I always feel it. I know that their is a handful of people in my life who have seen me through this mess every step of the way. I know that time really is the only thing that helps sometimes. I know that being 28 and single doesn't mean my life is over...it just means it is different than I ever expected, and maybe it will be better than my dreams, but it isn't yet...but I will wait in faith.
So what does 2011 hold that offers hope? A possible trip to Rwanda in the summer...my church, Church of the Apostles, in Raleigh has a partnership with our sister church in Rwanda and we want to build that partnership and grow together and that is so much of what I feel called to be a part of. I have felt called to go to Rwanda and be involved with Rwanda in some capacity for so long. Would you pray with me about this as I try discern if it is God's plan for me and if it is financially possible? 2011 also holds my graduation from Nursing School!!! I am looking to work in either a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, Special Care Nursery, Post-Partum Floor, or Labor and Delivery Unit. I am trying to discern whether God wants me to stay here in Raleigh or move somewhere else. In so many ways, Raleigh is the first place that has felt like home since Wooster, Ohio but there are also hard things about being here. So I really am needing God to help me know what is the best choice for me here.
More words later...this is just the start of me trying again....thank you for all of you who have prayed for this day for me...it's here.
Much love,
Laura

A Heart that Listened...

2008-04-29T12:49:00.000-07:00

I have been leading a small group of high school girls at my church this past year. We started out doing a study on dating and have since moved into going over passages of Scripture more. Sometimes I don't think I connect very well with the girls and what I am trying to teach them. I can get into kind of sermony mode cuz I just want them to get it so bad!!
I have to admit, last night, I didn't want to have Bible study. I was tired. I wanted to workout and go home. I was struggling with some of my own personal issues that made me not want to be around people. But I went because I knew how much they wanted to see each other and it had been about a month since we had been together. So I picked them all up and we had our usual Bible study at Starbucks.
There are several different personalities in this small group, all of which I love dearly. We have the "I really don't care if people think I'm odd and I say whatever comes to my mind and I struggle cuz I really like what the world offers", we have the "I'm smart and silly and trying to live the way God wants me too, but why isn't he giving me what I want", and we have the "I'm quiet and life has been hard and I just want to be a normal teenager girl, but life won't let me". So these personalities all come together one night a week and I try to share Christ with them.
Tonight we talked about taming the tongue and James 3. A convicting passage for all of us. It went well, but I think the main lesson of the night came on the ride home.
I drive all the girls home and this night was a particularly rainy night and a little bit cold. We always pass this McDonalds on the way to one of the girl's houses. It was 9:30pm and I was hungry, so I said to E., "Do you mind if we stop at McDonald's before I drop you off?" I wasn't really taking too much notice of the homeless man outside of McDonald's until E. said, "That's so sad." Now conversations about homeless people is something that has come up several times with these girls. Sometimes I have sensed a lack of understanding about the homeless and therefore a lack of compassion for them. I have tried to explain that we don't know the story of how the homeless person got there, is it so wrong to ask for food if you are hungry, etc. But tonite it was E. who taught me about homeless people.
E. is a highschool girl who had $2 on her. I was an adult with a paying job and a credit card who could have gotten food in 1/2 hour when I got home. But it was E. who said, "Can I buy him something and give it to him on our way back?" And my response was "Of course!" So she spent her $2 on two sandwiches. We walked over to him, her somewhat hesitantly, and she said, "here sir,I got you some sandwiches." And he looked at her in unbelief. He looked as if he might almost cry. He said, to her, "Thank you. Oh, God bless you. Can I give you a hug?" She looked at me, I nodded, and they had a short embrace before we left. When we got in the car, E. was elated and filled with joy at what had just taken place. I was so happy to see her so obedient to the Lord and so satisfied with the encounter He had given her.
It got me thinking though, who was more satisfied, me with my $3 value meal or E. with her widow's mite gift that had her shreaking with joy in my car? I think the answer is obvious. I hope the next time I have to choose between the satisfacation of McDonalds or the satisfaction of joy from serving Christ among us, I choose to have a heart that listens like E. did.

What I Shared At My Church About AIDS (Wooster, 2008)

2008-04-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

My senior of college, I did a program called hunger, HNGR, which stands for Human Needs and Global Resources. It was a 6 month program that I did in Cambodia and I worked with an organization that had a program for AIDS orphans. I spent time visiting with and teaching AIDS orphans English. But I would say my most direct contact with AIDS patients came through going on AIDS homecare visits to see AIDS patients with my Cambodian friend Sarim who was a nurse at the same organization. It was with her that I really saw and experienced what AIDS does to people physically and emotionally.

I went weekly with my friend Sarim on home visits and the longer I went with her, the more she explained to me what the life of someone with AIDS is like in Cambodia. While we were visiting one woman, Sarim told me that the woman who was taking care of her was not family. Her family was ashamed of her and disowned her. Her husband, who most likely gave her AIDS, divorced her and she never got to see her own son. Now this woman who was paid to take care of her was smoking in the corner of the yard while this woman dying of AIDS was lying in a hammock. Its hard to put into words what AIDS had done to her body. But her ribs were poking out of her chest, her eyes were almost swollen shut with puss, her legs and chest had open sores all over them and she could hardly utter a word. I would smile at her because that’s all I knew how to do. I was too afraid to touch her even though you can’t get AIDS just from touching a person. And the next time I saw her, the same line kept running through my head over and over “No one ever touches her. No one ever touches her unless they are paid to.” And so I let go of my fear and I began rubbing her arm and shoulders and she looked at me with an expression, I will never forget. It was gratitude, awe, and relief all in one look. It was in that moment that I realized that I as a follower of Jesus Christ I am not afforded the right to be immobilized by fear. I had to let the Holy Spirit use my hands and my feet to be Jesus to this woman or no one else would.

I became involved in this kind of work because God has place a desire in my heart to help these people and because I didn’t see how I could be a true follower of Jesus and not become involved in the lives of the poor and the needy. People with AIDS definitely are among the neediest. In Cambodia and since then, over and over again I kept reading verses in my Bible about how God cared for the sick and the poor and the lepers, and He did that for peoples physical needs just as much as he did for their emotional and spiritual needs. Galatians 5:6 says, “the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love”. I wanted my life to count and I knew no better way of my faith expressing itself through love than by touching these people and being with them.

This experience has had a huge impact on my life. Working with AIDS patients and seeing how Jesus loves them has become the way I try to see all of those that society and individuals reject. It’s made me know that wherever I am and and whatever I do, I want to express that love to those it is easy to go through life and never acknowledge. That’s why I am involved with Sowing hope, Internationals and that’s why I am going to Africa with our church in a couple of weeks. It’s a big part of why I am planning to go to nursing school. I think that sometimes God allows things to happen in the world to see how His body will respond. I think He is watching and waiting to see His church rise up and be Christ to the world’s rejected and despised.

Some Good Quotes On Mission....

2008-04-15T09:06:00.000-07:00

Jean-Paul Heldt:

"There is no longer a need to qualify mission as 'holistic', nor to distinguish between 'mission' and 'holistic mission'. Mission is by definition 'holistic' and therefore 'holistic mission' is, de facto, mission. Proclamation alone, apart from any social concern, may be perceived as distortion, a truncated version of the true gospel, a parody and travesty of good news, lacking relevance for the real problems of people living in the real world. On the other end of the spectrum, exclusive focus on transformation and advocacy may just result in social and humanitarian activism, void of any spiritual dimension. Both approaches are unbiblical;they deny the wholeness of human nature of human beings created in the image of God. Since we are created "whole", and since the Fall affects our total humanity in all its dimensions, then redemption, restoration, and mission can, by definition, only be 'holistic'."

Steve Saint:
"Social services without the Gospel are like pain killers for cancer. But the gospel without the offer of loving compassion will frequently meet only a rejection of God's love which they have not seen, and consequently locked doors."

The Problem Is Me...

2008-03-12T06:48:00.000-07:00

1 John 3:4-10:

"Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. 5But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. 6No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.

7Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. He who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. 8He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. 9No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. 10This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother."

When I started this blog I wrote two blogs mildly berating the extreme liberals and conservatives in the church, politically and theologically speaking. But I promised I would write a blog that confronts the biggest problem in the church today: ME. Ok, I am not trying to look for self-pity or reassurance that I am a good Christian. And I don't mean me alone. I mean all of the "ME's" in the church. But I know this me, Laura G., the best so it is fitting that I use myself as the subject.

I sin every single day. I see a homeless person on the side of the road and don't even contemplate if that is a need Christ wants me to meet. I get angry and swear under my breath at drivers who drive poorly. I waste hours of my day each day doing thing that certainly are not helping bring about anything of eternal value. I do not seek out the poor and engage them with food, drink or shelter the way Jesus does. I do not boldly proclaim tne gospel, in fact sometimes I am embarassed or dare I say ashamed of it. I too often set my bar of what to do against others in the church. I don't live radically because I see few others doing so and justify my inaction by their inaction. I think impure thoughts, I judge people on their outward appearance with very little look at their hearts, I say things about friends I shouldn't say. I wallow in my own problems and desires instead of looking at the blessing in my life. I commit SINS of comission and omission EVERY SINGLE DAY.
If we look at the verses I quoted above, it makes me question how well I know Jesus or if I've seen Him if I continue to sin as I do. How many of us really think of dying to our self daily? I don't. How often do I realize and admit that when I sin, I am ACTUALLY DOING THE WORK OF THE DEVIL? Not often enough.

Why don't I let myself be more transformed by Christ so that I can perform more righteous actions for Him as a testimony to who He is? A few things come to mind, I don't want to look TOO different from the CHURCH. I already know that I look crazy to the world because of my faith, but I don't want to look crazy to the church too! Where would I fit in? But haven't I missed the point? The world is not my home. Very rarely do routine mundane lives make an impact on this world for Christ. I also want to stay close to my family, geographically and thought wise. I don't want hundreds of miles to seperate us if that's what God wants me to do. I don't want the people I love the most not to get parts of me. And finally, it's hard! It takes a lot of tenacity and perseverance to live the life Christ calls us too and those aren't necessarliy fun things.

So, I think the ultimate problem with the world is obviously sin, but of greater concern to me personally are all the "Me's" in the church who settle for mud pie making Christianity when Christ offers us a holiday at the sea Christianity, to steal a concept from C.S. Lewis. This world will not be radically changed without all the little me's in the church being the radical change agent Christ calls us to be.

Ok, I wrote everything above this morning, Wednesday, March 12th. And then I was reading "Desiring God" this afternoon by John Piper. It's so cool to me when God links what we are thinking and learning so directly. So here are a few excerpts from Desiring God that pertain to my thoughts:

"An Almost Unbelievable Indictment of Western Christianity"
"....In Paul's radically different viewpoint I saw an almost unbelievable indictment of Western Christianity. Am I overstating this? Judge for yourself. How many Christians do you know who could say, "The lifestyle I have chosen as a Christian would be utterly foolish and pitiable if there is no resurrection."? How many Christians are there who could say, "The suffering I have freely chosen to embrace for the cause of Christ would be a pitiable life if there is no resurrection"? As I see it, these are shocking questions.....

"I say it again: the call of Christ is a call to live a life of sacrifice and loss and suffering that would be foolish to live, if there was no resurrection from the dead. This is a conscious choice for Paul. Listen to his protest, "If the dead are not raised, why am I in peril every hour? I protest, brothers, by my exultation in you which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die every day!"(1 Cor. 15:29-31) This is what Paul has chosen. He "protests" because he does not have to live this way. He chooses it: "In peril every hour!" "Dying everyday!" This is why he says he should be pitied if there is no resurrection from the dead. He chooses a path that leads to trouble and pain virtually every day of his life. "I die every day."

OH THAT I WOULD DIE EVERY DAY.

How We Change....

2008-03-07T12:07:00.000-08:00

So my dad called me out on going on blogcation. It's true I kinda did. I went to Denver for a week to see a friend and kind of forgot about the internet for the most part. But I'm back for my handful of faithful readers. You are gonna get a little look into my past here today....
Growing up in Ohio, I had a pretty great childhood. I loved being part of a big family (by American standards)and enjoyed all the seasons Wooster offered. I imagined one day being just like my mom raising a family of kids in a small town in Ohio and being a stay at home mom. I mean I actually used to say I wanted 32 kids when I was younger and got mad when people laughed at me for saying such a thing. Now, I am not saying these things will not come to pass (except for the 32 kids part), perhaps they will. But something has happened in me since leaving good old Wooster, Ohio...
I LOVE TO TRAVEL. I absolutely love it. Now, you have to realize that although many of you may have known this for years and seen this in me, I don't think I really did until recently. I have had many friends describe me as very adventerous as of late, and my thought has always been "really?" I think I think that way because in many ways I am still that plain simple girl who wants to be a stay at home mom with her kids in rural America. But I've changed too. When I lived in Wooster last year I thought, I HAVE to get out of here AT LEAST once a month because it felt like there was no one (or very few) people like me there. So I went to San Diego,California, Raleigh, North Carolina multiple times, Dallas, Texas, The Central African Republic, Washington D.C., Cleveland and Columbus multiple times, and Chicago all in a span of less than 12 months!!! And you wonder how I didn't see myself as adventerous, well probably because most of the time I was just going to visit friends, and that to me showed me the importance I place on relationships more than my love of travel.
And then I moved to NC, back to the city with world minded people and people with similiar educational backgrounds. And I didn't feel the same need to get out. But you know what? I have gone just about as much! I've gone back to Ohio twice to see family,I have flown to Denver, Colorado for a week. I've visited the beaches of NC and the mountains, I'm taking a trip to Charlotte, NC next weekend, I'm going to Nashville, TN in April to run a race, and anytime anyone mentions a cheap road trip, I am so excited!!
So I guess I am adventerous and I have changed since those days as a small child in Ohio. I still hope God allows me to be a stay-at-home mom one day, that's my heart's desire and it always has been. But I think it's safe to say that "staying at home" will look way different to me and my kids than to most of those who grew up in Wayne county. I hope my kids are partly raised on a different continent and in different urban and rural settings in the U.S. This isn't a put down on the way I was raised, I LOVED my childhood. But I also love this amazing world that God has created and as much as He allows me, I intend to see and be a part of as many different cultures as is possible.
Watch my kids will probably move back to some place like Red Haw, Ohio, buy a plot of land, and never leave their "town" after the childhood I give them. But that would be ok too. It would actually give me a new place to visit. I've only ever driven through that wonderful place.

Step Off Your Pedestal and Into Their Lives

2008-02-19T09:30:00.000-08:00

Well, I think this is a little overdue, but here comes my word to the conservative evangelical church,since I promised it in my response to the liberal Christians. So I was raised in this group, so in a sense it's like I am talking about family and so I have less anger toward this group and a deep sense of wanting them to "get it".

One evening last weekend a dear friend of mine and I sat watching You Tube videos until 2 in the morning. You might think we were being typical twenty somethings just having a good time, but trust me, it was a little different. My friend and I have become immersed in and very passionate about the war for truth in the church and we watch video after video of John MacArthur vs. Brian McClaren, etc. For those of you who don't know those names basically they are the most conservative and liberal voices within the evangelical church, and I'm not even sure McClaren would claim to be part of the evangelical church. But that's not the point. Here is the point: after watching one of the more liberal speakers at a conference in the video speak about God's vast love for all of us, here was the conservative's response who posted it:GETTING ON TOP OF A LITERAL PEDESTAL AND YELLING ABOUT THERE BEING A HEAVEN AND A HELL AND FUTURE JUDGMENT AND GOD IS ALSO A GOD OF WRATH. Ok, is there anything untrue about this? I don't think so. It was the manner in which he was trying to convey this truth.

Too often in the conservative evangelical church, in holding on to the truth we have let go of the amazing model of love and service Christ gave us to serving the poor and those who didn't know Him. We've got our doctrine in our head right, but has it moved to our hearts? Not near enough. Christ did come to bring peace, He did come to feed the sick, cloth the naked, and bind up the broken hearted, He did! And in doing so He never once compromised the truth. Why don't we enter into broken people's lives more? Are we not broken too? The only difference is that somebody came alongside us and introduced us to the One who could mend our souls.

I have this assumption, that many of us in the conserative evangelical church came to know Christ through the sharing of some family member. That family member probably was also meeting your daily needs for food, and your needs for shelter, and your needs for love. They were meeting both you physical and your spiritual needs, right? At least this was the case for me. I knew my parents loved me, they showed me that everyday. So when they explained to me who Jesus was, it made sense. They had modeled His love so well that I got it. Of course, the Holy Spirit did a work in my heart too, but my family set a great foundation to understanding this love.

So when we think about those who do not know Christ yet, it seems essential to me that we step into their lives and build relationship. That we show them that we really care, much in the same way that I knew my parent's loved me before I knew Jesus loved me. That doesn't mean letting go of truth, it means living it!!

Oh church, we are supposed to look different than the world! They will know we are Chrstians by our love. And then when the tough questions come about truths such as eternal destinations, we have more respect and validity to be heard.

I fear that far too many of us, myself included, are far too concerned with what the world thinks of us. We don't want too be too different, too drastic, we want to blend into our society and speak in our comfortable circles about the truth. It isn't supposed to be that way! The irony of this is, that much of the world already thinks poorly of conservative Evangelical Americans. They think we are judgmental,intolerant, and have little concern for the poor and downcast. I would rather be thought radical and crazy because I step into uncomfortable circles for my Jesus, than intolerant and judgmental because of the pedestal I preach from. By all means, yes, PLEASE hold on to truth, the church is in crisis on doctrine. But just as much live a life of love to the least of these so that Jesus can do through you what He did through His own flesh when He walked this earth. This is the truest and best thing we can do for our Jesus.

FINDING PLEASURE...

2008-02-15T12:09:00.000-08:00

I know this blog is called Laura G's Philosophies, so you might hope for more original pieces by me. but I have found that the authors I read each day formulate so much of my philosophies on life, that it's best to just put their own words. SO I hope you enjoy my occasional quoting of those who have shaped my philosphies...

"If there lurks in most modern minds the notion that to desire our own good and earnestly to hope for the enjoyment of it is a bad thing, I submit that this notion has crept in from Kant and the Stoics and is no part of the Christian faith. Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

C.S. Lewis

Oh my Christian friends, that we would challenge one another on this!!! Do not be too easily pleased, our joy and the joy of the world needs us to be what the Creator created us to be.

Waiting and Unfulfilled Desires

2008-02-12T10:05:00.001-08:00

I am 25 years old. I live with my brother and his family. I have a job that requires little to no thought. I do not own a home, I do not have a boyfriend or a spouse, and I still question whether I am choosing the right career path. I have many things I long for and desire that the Lord has not yet fulfilled. How do I wait in a way that is honest and yet honors Him? This is what I am wrestling with as of late.
My mom sent me this article this morning that reminded me that most of our life is waiting for something and eventually we are waiting to die. How do we take today, just today, and find purpose and joy in it alone? That's hard when the day is spent in front of the computer, when the things I think would bring me the most joy ellude me. But this is what it is right now. So how do I find joy and purpose in this?
I think there are two thoughts I've had as I've been grappling with this. First, I think we are to take the mundane and try to use it for the glory of God. We know He is more interested in our hearts than the exact work our hands are doing. Do I come to work ready to respond in love to angry clients, to those whose English I can't understand, to the old woman who has never had a ticket before and doesn't know what to do? Sometimes I do, too often I don't. I was thinking that if every interaction, big or small, that we have with people was responded to with Christ's love this world would be more peaceful and less stressful. I think there is definite purpose in that.
The broader thought is this, what processes are underway in my life right now because I am waiting that make me more Christlike, or have the potential to do so? All this waiting and quietness lets me think a lot about myself, who I am becoming, what I want to become, how there is still so much sin in me that I need to let the Lord remove. I'm learning more about desiring God through John Piper's book. I think I could really enjoy being a Christian Hedonist, I am a pretty big fan of pleasure. But the challenge is finding that pleasure in Christ. I'm not gonna lie, more often than not pleasure comes from the things God gives me and not from the giver himself. So when my pleasures are altered or changed or taken away, I feel unfulfilled. So I'm not sure how I make Christ where I find pleasure and joy. I don't think I experience it often enough. But I think and pray that He is taking me a on journey to that place because never before have I so wanted to figure it out.
God is on my side. I know this. So I pray that I would wait well. That I would find my pleasure in Him and that I will stay on this journey of learning how to do that.

A Man of Noble Character....

2008-02-08T06:27:00.000-08:00

I was moved by this speech by Mitt Romney. It is less about me being a huge Romney fan and more about how noble I believe his decision was. As my mom put it, he sure has got a lot of things right.

Governor Romney's Address To CPAC (As Prepared For Delivery):

"I want to begin by saying thank you. It's great to be with you again. And I look forward to joining with you many more times in the future.

"Last year, CPAC gave me the sendoff I needed. I was in single digits in the polls, and I was facing household Republican names. As of today, more than 4 million people have given me their vote for President, less than Senator McCain's 4.7 million, but quite a statement nonetheless. Eleven states have given me their nod, compared to his 13. Of course, because size does matter, he's doing quite a bit better with his number of delegates.

"To all of you, thank you for caring enough about the future of America to show up, stand up and speak up for conservative principles.

"As I said to you last year, conservative principles are needed now more than ever. We face a new generation of challenges, challenges which threaten our prosperity, our security and our future. I am convinced that unless America changes course, we will become the France of the 21st century – still a great nation, but no longer the leader of the world, no longer the superpower. And to me, that is unthinkable. Simon Peres, in a visit to Boston, was asked what he thought about the war in Iraq. 'First,' he said, 'I must put something in context. America is unique in the history of the world. In the history of the world, whenever there has been conflict, the nation that wins takes land from the nation that loses. One nation in history, and this during the last century, laid down hundreds of thousands of lives and took no land. No land from Germany, no land from Japan, no land from Korea. America is unique in the sacrifice it has made for liberty, for itself and for freedom loving people around the world.' The best ally peace has ever known, and will ever know, is a strong America.

"And that is why we must rise to the occasion, as we have always done before, to confront the challenges ahead. Perhaps the most fundamental of these is the attack on the American culture.

"Over the years, my business has taken me to many countries. I have been struck by the enormous differences in the wealth and well-being of people of different nations. I have read a number of scholarly explanations for the disparities. I found the most convincing was that written by David Landes, a professor emeritus from Harvard University. I presume he's a liberal – I guess that's redundant. His work traces the coming and going of great civilizations throughout history. After hundreds of pages of analysis, he concludes with this:

"If we learn anything from the history of economic development, it is that culture makes all the difference. Culture makes all the difference.

"What is it about American culture that has led us to become the most powerful nation in the history of the world? We believe in hard work and education. We love opportunity: almost all of us are immigrants or descendants of immigrants who came here for opportunity – opportunity is in our DNA. Americans love God, and those who don't have faith, typically believe in something greater than themselves – a 'Purpose Driven Life.' And we sacrifice everything we have, even our lives, for our families, our freedoms and our country. The values and beliefs of the free American people are the source of our nation's strength and they always will be.

"The threat to our culture comes from within. The 1960's welfare programs created a culture of poverty. Some think we won that battle when we reformed welfare, but the liberals haven't given up. At every turn, they try to substitute government largesse for individual responsibility. They fight to strip work requirements from welfare, to put more people on Medicaid, and to remove more and more people from having to pay any income tax whatsoever. Dependency is death to initiative, risk-taking and opportunity. Dependency is a culture-killing drug. We have got to fight it like the poison it is.

"The attack on faith and religion is no less relentless. And tolerance for pornography – even celebration of it – and sexual promiscuity, combined with the twisted incentives of government welfare programs have led to today's grim realities: 68% of African American children are born out-of-wedlock, 45% of Hispanic children, and 25% of White children. How much harder it is for these children to succeed in school and in life. A nation built on the principles of the Founding Fathers cannot long stand when its children are raised without fathers in the home.

"The development of a child is enhanced by having a mother and father. Such a family is the ideal for the future of the child and for the strength of a nation. I wonder how it is that unelected judges, like some in my state of Massachusetts, are so unaware of this reality, so oblivious to the millennia of recorded history. It is time for the people of America to fortify marriage through Constitutional amendment, so that liberal judges cannot continue to attack it.

"Europe is facing a demographic disaster. That is the inevitable product of weakened faith in the Creator, failed families, disrespect for the sanctity of human life and eroded morality. Some reason that culture is merely an accessory to America's vitality; we know that it is the source of our strength. And we are not dissuaded by the snickers and knowing glances when we stand up for family values, and morality, and culture. We will always be honored to stand on principle and to stand for principle.

"The attack on our culture is not our sole challenge. We face economic competition unlike anything we have ever known before. China and Asia are emerging from centuries of poverty. Their people are plentiful, innovative and ambitious. If we do not change course, Asia or China will pass us by as the economic superpower, just as we passed England and France during the last century. The prosperity and security of our children and grandchildren depend on us.

"Our prosperity and security also depend on finally acting to become energy secure. Oil producing states like Russia and Venezuela, Saudi Arabia and Iran are siphoning over $400 billion per year from our economy – that's almost what we spend annually for defense. It is past time for us to invest in energy technology, nuclear power, clean coal, liquid coal, renewable sources and energy efficiency. America must never be held hostage by the likes of Putin, Chavez, and Ahmadinejad.

"And our economy is also burdened by the inexorable ramping of government spending. Don't focus on the pork alone – even though it is indeed irritating and shameful. Look at the entitlements. They make up 60% of federal spending today. By the end of the next President's second term, they will total 70%. Any conservative plan for the future has to include entitlement reform that solves the problem, not just acknowledges it.

"Most politicians don't seem to understand the connection between our ability to compete and our national wealth, and the wealth of our families. They act as if money just happens – that it's just there. But every dollar represents a good or service produced in the private sector. Depress the private sector and you depress the well-being of Americans.

"That's exactly what happens with high taxes, over-regulation, tort windfalls, mandates, and overfed, over-spending government. Did you see that today, government workers make more money than people who work in the private sector? Can you imagine what happens to an economy where the best opportunities are for bureaucrats?

"It's high time to lower taxes, including corporate taxes, to take a weed-whacker to government regulations, to reform entitlements, and to stand up to the increasingly voracious appetite of the unions in our government.

"And finally, let's consider the greatest challenge facing America – and facing the entire civilized world: the threat of violent, radical Jihad. In one wing of the world of Islam, there is a conviction that all governments should be destroyed and replaced by a religious caliphate. These Jihadists will battle any form of democracy. To them, democracy is blasphemous for it says that citizens, not God shape the law. They find the idea of human equality to be offensive. They hate everything we believe about freedom just as we hate everything they believe about radical Jihad.

"To battle this threat, we have sent the most courageous and brave soldiers in the world. But their numbers have been depleted by the Clinton years when troops were reduced by 500,000, when 80 ships were retired from the Navy, and when our human intelligence was slashed by 25%. We were told that we were getting a peace dividend. We got the dividend, but we didn't get the peace. In the face of evil in radical Jihad and given the inevitable military ambitions of China, we must act to rebuild our military might – raise military spending to 4% of our GDP, purchase the most modern armament, re-shape our fighting forces for the asymmetric demands we now face, and give the veterans the care they deserve.

"Soon, the face of liberalism in America will have a new name. Whether it is Barack or Hillary, the result would be the same if they were to win the Presidency. The opponents of American culture would push the throttle, devising new justifications for judges to depart from the Constitution. Economic neophytes would layer heavier and heavier burdens on employers and families, slowing our economy and opening the way for foreign competition to further erode our lead.

"Even though we face an uphill fight, I know that many in this room are fully behind my campaign. You are with me all the way to the convention. Fight on, just like Ronald Reagan did in 1976. But there is an important difference from 1976: today, we are a nation at war.

"And Barack and Hillary have made their intentions clear regarding Iraq and the war on terror. They would retreat and declare defeat. And the consequence of that would be devastating. It would mean attacks on America, launched from safe havens that make Afghanistan under the Taliban look like child's play. About this, I have no doubt.

"I disagree with Senator McCain on a number of issues, as you know. But I agree with him on doing whatever it takes to be successful in Iraq, on finding and executing Osama bin Laden, and on eliminating Al Qaeda and terror. If I fight on in my campaign, all the way to the convention, I would forestall the launch of a national campaign and make it more likely that Senator Clinton or Obama would win. And in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign, be a part of aiding a surrender to terror.

"This is not an easy decision for me. I hate to lose. My family, my friends and our supporters – many of you right here in this room – have given a great deal to get me where I have a shot at becoming President. If this were only about me, I would go on. But I entered this race because I love America, and because I love America, I feel I must now stand aside, for our party and for our country.

"I will continue to stand for conservative principles. I will fight alongside you for all the things we believe in. And one of those things is that we cannot allow the next President of the United States to retreat in the face evil extremism.

"It is the common task of each generation – and the burden of liberty – to preserve this country, expand its freedoms and renew its spirit so that its noble past is prologue to its glorious future.

"To this task, accepting this burden, we are all dedicated, and I firmly believe, by the providence of the Almighty, that we will succeed beyond our fondest hope. America must remain, as it has always been, the hope of the Earth.

"Thank you, and God bless America.

Ravi Said It Better....

2008-02-07T10:08:00.000-08:00

"In the cross alone, pain and evil meet in consummate conflict. In the cross alone are integrated love and justice, the twin foundations upon which we may build our moral and spiritual home, individually and nationally. It is theoretically and practically impossible to build any community apart from love and justice. If only one of thse two is focused upon, an inevitable extremism and perversion follow. Throughout history, mankind has shouted ideals of liberty, equality, and justice; yet the ideologies that have risen, supposedly in the pursuit of human progress, have left in their wake some very dastardly experiments that echo with the whimpering sounds of man, like a trapped animal. Rising above the cry of liberty, equality, and justice is the more rending plea for that sense of belonging we call love. And love unbounded by any sense of right or wrong is not love but self-centeredness and autocracy. In the cross of Jesus Christ, the demands of the law were satisfied, and the generosity of love was expressed." (emphasis mine)

Excerpt taken from "Can Man Live without God" by Ravi Zacharias

Why Do I Cringe at the word "Humanitarian"?

2008-02-06T10:48:00.000-08:00

Way to pic a lofty topic for my first real blog entry, right? I am a professing Christian who cares about the spiritual and physical needs of people. I try to live my life in a way that models this. So I grew up in the church, the kind of church, that "cared" about the poor, but didn't do a whole lot about their welfare on a continuous basis. But I got down the basics of the gospel for sure and understood the brevity of life and the seriousness of the afterlife.
Upon entering college, I was introduced to a group of Christians who were much more about the physical needs of the world, all truly in the name of Jesus, and I became a part of them for a season. I learned that the things these people were concerned about had a highly specified named called "humanitarian causes". I thought "that can't be bad, a group of people caring about the needs of people, the real physical needs of people." And it wasn't bad...not initially. But the more I was surrounded by these types of Christians, the more I wondered if they actually were only concerned with "humanitarian" causes. Slowly, I learned that some humanitarian Christians didn't believe what I thought were the basic tenets of the faith. They weren't so sure about their being a hell, if you didn't know Jesus you probably just ceased to exist after you died. This group also thought, the more liberal you were the more Christian you were. And so I found and continue to find myself thinking, several years removed from this intimate circle of people, that a humanitarian is this: A PERSON WITH LITTLE REGARD FOR THE HARD TRUTHS OF SCRIPTURE WHO WOULD RATHER IDENTIFY THEMSELVES WITH PEOPLE OUTSIDE THE BODY OF CHRIST WHO CARE FOR PHSYICAL NEEDS THROUGH SECULAR PROGRAMS.
And that is why I cringe. I in my human mind with friends who do not know the Lord do not like the thought that there is a hell that they are going to. But what I cringe at even more is so thoroughly thrusting the focus onto people's physical needs today that I change my beliefs to be more comfortable to my human mind than to what Scripture states. And I cringe even more because I see the humanitarian as one who has little more than cynicism and belittlement for those Christians who have missed the boat on the Christian privledge and duty to meet the needs of the poor and the oppressed. They would rather be a voice on Capital Hill than a voice in the church for the needs of the oppressed. And I cringe furthermore because they are looking to secular government to do what Christ has called the church to do.

I know my definition is not the true defnition of a humanitarian, but our experiences cause us to make associations and this is now my thoughts when I hear anything about "humanitarian" causes. So you think I am some simplistic right wing evangelical who missed the boat? If that's the case I think you missed the boat. But don't worry, I'll dive into my problems with that group next week. And the week after that, I'll dive into the biggest problem of all, my self and my lack of total surrender to Jesus Christ.
That's all my heavy thoughts for today.

Monotonous Days begs the Mind to Play...

2008-02-05T13:48:00.000-08:00

So I have started this blog with the hope of adding some stimulation to my workday. I am blessed with a job that requires little effort and rarely any stress, but I often find myself wasting days away on My Space, People.com, and Facebook. This should not be dear friends. Not with the education I have or the spiritual convictions. So, I initially intend to post weekly (much to Ivanildo's chagrin) and as I become more adept at this, hopefully they will become more frequent. Quite honestly, I think changing my mind from producing mush to matter will take some time. But I'm excited for this journey and wonder what my mind will come up with and what also the Spirit might lead me to share...See you in a week!!

Laura G.