HOW DO YOU BE WHO YOU AIN’T?

HOW DO YOU BE WHO YOU AIN’T?

How do you be who you ain’t?  You find yourself in this other life. Someone else’s. Is this what it is to be in the wilderness? Living what feels like another’s life? What about the one that was etched on your heart. How do you find that one? Or was the etching really just cutting? Was it a wounding so deep that the only thing that would cover would be scar tissue heaped high? So high that the heart is now safely buried from the cutting?

Or is it etching? Do you dare hope that it is the etching? Because the Bible says hope does not dissapoint. But thus far, hope has dissapointed. Again and again. And persevering hope takes courage and time with no guarantees. You don’t have to hope for what you know you will get. You just have to wait. But hoping is harder than waiting. There is no promise. Just your truest desire, raw and exposed, that etching on your heart….that continual slow bleed. And it can only stay hope if you let it bleed a little each day. If you let your vulnerabilities drip out of your heart with the truest fully oxygenated life-blood there is.

Because if you don’t…the scar tissue comes. Even without asking for it. It just comes and it buries your heart and hopes and it keeps it beating, but it has no oxygen, no life-blood to course through your veins. It just makes you someone else.

And you realize you are really are living someone else’s life.  Without hope or help. Dead blood making your scarred heart beat someone else’s rhythm. And you are still in the wilderness.

Wouldn’t your rather bleed your own true blood instead of living someone else’s life?