I am 25 years old. I live with my brother and his family. I have a job that requires little to no thought. I do not own a home, I do not have a boyfriend or a spouse, and I still question whether I am choosing the right career path. I have many things I long for and desire that the Lord has not yet fulfilled. How do I wait in a way that is honest and yet honors Him? This is what I am wrestling with as of late.
My mom sent me this article this morning that reminded me that most of our life is waiting for something and eventually we are waiting to die. How do we take today, just today, and find purpose and joy in it alone? That's hard when the day is spent in front of the computer, when the things I think would bring me the most joy ellude me. But this is what it is right now. So how do I find joy and purpose in this?
I think there are two thoughts I've had as I've been grappling with this. First, I think we are to take the mundane and try to use it for the glory of God. We know He is more interested in our hearts than the exact work our hands are doing. Do I come to work ready to respond in love to angry clients, to those whose English I can't understand, to the old woman who has never had a ticket before and doesn't know what to do? Sometimes I do, too often I don't. I was thinking that if every interaction, big or small, that we have with people was responded to with Christ's love this world would be more peaceful and less stressful. I think there is definite purpose in that.
The broader thought is this, what processes are underway in my life right now because I am waiting that make me more Christlike, or have the potential to do so? All this waiting and quietness lets me think a lot about myself, who I am becoming, what I want to become, how there is still so much sin in me that I need to let the Lord remove. I'm learning more about desiring God through John Piper's book. I think I could really enjoy being a Christian Hedonist, I am a pretty big fan of pleasure. But the challenge is finding that pleasure in Christ. I'm not gonna lie, more often than not pleasure comes from the things God gives me and not from the giver himself. So when my pleasures are altered or changed or taken away, I feel unfulfilled. So I'm not sure how I make Christ where I find pleasure and joy. I don't think I experience it often enough. But I think and pray that He is taking me a on journey to that place because never before have I so wanted to figure it out.
God is on my side. I know this. So I pray that I would wait well. That I would find my pleasure in Him and that I will stay on this journey of learning how to do that.
1 comment:
You're on the right path, Laura. Most people your age are not thinking about this stuff. I find pleasure in just feeling that God is in and around me. I love to tell Him how much I love Him and to be completely silent in His presence. But there is so much more I desire, but maybe I shouldn't. You've heard of Annie Flint Johnston. I think that was her name. She wrote: "He giveth more grace." Every time I read her story I am encouraged. And I do wonder whether those who suffer the most are the one who "see" the face of God more closely.
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